When I was learning Bhairav Bahar, initially I always felt that Bhairav is very masculine and Bahar is very feminine. Thus it led to an understanding of hetro relationship between the two ragas. More and more I practiced I started realising Bahirav Bahar as one body and not a love making between Bhairav and Bahar. It was in 2001 that I met Famila, a male to female transsexual. She was my Bhairav Bahar, the only raga which made me realise the expanse of feminism and queer politics.
The oscillation of Re in Bhairav - I saw how Famila would express her body, her gender accepting certain limits and respecting other bodies equally. The oscillation of Dha being her struggle to understand a woman's body and menstruation and saying that I want to understand what it means to buy a sanitary napkin and experience the pain before making a statement of glorifying menstruation. Yes the pain of menstruation is what I could see in the oscillation of Re and Dha in Bhirav which was very masculine.
Bodily realities, woman and her struggles, in the masculine Bhairav - Just sing Bhairav you see it as a trans raga. Why that oscillation in Re and Dha - Is it a statement of gender? Why these abstract notes create such images - it is not that I want to emotionally melodramatically respond to these musical tones and micro tones. They are my life. It is for I want to be what I am a gender queer for whom the thinking is through these notes of music. I dont breathe music but Famila would breathe gender. Once in Trissur Manohar conducted a workshop where Famila and I were present. He gave an exercise asking people to perform something that their opposite gender would do. Famila while performing broke into sobs saying "no I cannot even imagine myself in the opposite gender. It was a truama and even now it is a trauma like women experiencing periods". How true - Bahar's Komal Nee the masculine expression of being with body and the struggle for getting validated - that is what Bahar does in Bhairav Bahar.
Beyond compositions, Bhairavbahar the trans raga today is questioning me about how different genders stand in front of me and demand spaces - spaces for many genders - with other notes other than this Komal Nee, Re and Dha.
Hey wait am not saying this in a state of hallucination - I am still searching the expressions of genders beyond masculinity and feminity...... that today could be Famila, Sunil, Gee, Kaveri, Charu, ---------------------------
The oscillation of Re in Bhairav - I saw how Famila would express her body, her gender accepting certain limits and respecting other bodies equally. The oscillation of Dha being her struggle to understand a woman's body and menstruation and saying that I want to understand what it means to buy a sanitary napkin and experience the pain before making a statement of glorifying menstruation. Yes the pain of menstruation is what I could see in the oscillation of Re and Dha in Bhirav which was very masculine.
Bodily realities, woman and her struggles, in the masculine Bhairav - Just sing Bhairav you see it as a trans raga. Why that oscillation in Re and Dha - Is it a statement of gender? Why these abstract notes create such images - it is not that I want to emotionally melodramatically respond to these musical tones and micro tones. They are my life. It is for I want to be what I am a gender queer for whom the thinking is through these notes of music. I dont breathe music but Famila would breathe gender. Once in Trissur Manohar conducted a workshop where Famila and I were present. He gave an exercise asking people to perform something that their opposite gender would do. Famila while performing broke into sobs saying "no I cannot even imagine myself in the opposite gender. It was a truama and even now it is a trauma like women experiencing periods". How true - Bahar's Komal Nee the masculine expression of being with body and the struggle for getting validated - that is what Bahar does in Bhairav Bahar.
Beyond compositions, Bhairavbahar the trans raga today is questioning me about how different genders stand in front of me and demand spaces - spaces for many genders - with other notes other than this Komal Nee, Re and Dha.
Hey wait am not saying this in a state of hallucination - I am still searching the expressions of genders beyond masculinity and feminity...... that today could be Famila, Sunil, Gee, Kaveri, Charu, ---------------------------
